How to Maintain the Distance

My last article was about how we need to be able to treat each other as siblings in Christ, removing sexual and marital connotations and assumptions from our communication.

This article is about what you are supposed to do when someone else does not do this.

In other words:

How to tell them to stop flirting.

The main reason why I am doing this is because of a thread in the Rebelution forum. The girls are asking the guys several questions (I helped moderate those questions haha) regarding respect. Therefore, I will be mainly talking to the girls. This is one of the questions:

What is a respectful way of saying, “I don’t like you, stop flirting with me!!!”

There are two key words here: Respectful, and Flirting.

Flirting, as I define it, is an action that is intended to convey a sexual and or marital meaning and hopefully elicit a reciprocal action that also conveys a similar meaning.

This can vary from an out of place compliment like: “Have you died before? Because that looks like a resurrection body to me…” to: “Hey… I would work 7 years for your sister… but I would work 7 more years for you” to: “Do you need prayer? Because I am certainly willing to lay hands on you” to touching or hugging you inappropriately to other more disgusting things that I do not like to mention (or even think about).

(Thanks to Felicity for posting those pick up lines on facebook.)

Now, there are really only a couple kinds of guys who would even think about saying these kinds of things. One is bad, the other is nervous, but really doesn’t want to deep down (and is possibly thus prone to repentance). Both are weak and perverted. They each respond differently to your reactions to their advances, although thankfully you don’t need to change your responses depending on which one a guy is.

If a guy does something minor, like being too personal or forceful in a compliment, be cold. Tell him that you do not appreciate the manner in which he said what he said (or what he said at all for that matter). Let him know plainly that he crossed a boundary he should not have crossed, then walk away.

That is stage one.

Stage two depends on what he does. If he stays away, all is well and good. If he comes after you and apologizes sincerely, accept it kindly, and then go on.

If he persists then and tries to defend himself, continues what he was saying, or if he repeats the action later, or if he crosses a greater boundary (such as using either of the last two above lines or worse), even if it is the first time, then you go straight to stage two.

Stage two consists of three parts.

  1. Slap him, and leave.
  2. Tell your parents, especially your father about it, and if possible another trusted mentor.
  3. Do not hang out with him anymore.

That sounds rather extreme, and a bunch of you (boy or girl) are going to disagree with me, but hear me out.

Now, I realize that you might not understand what I mean by slapping him. This is understandable. People don’t really do it anymore, even though the drop in morality renders the action more necessary, and this is a shame.

A slap is when you hit someone’s face with the flat of your hand.

There are a couple kinds of slaps. There is a playful slap, and there is a serious slap. Slaps are also different depending on who is administering the slap. A slap from a guy to a guy is dramatically different from a slap from a girl to a guy.

In the old days if a guy slapped a guy, it was either a challenge to combat (read: death threat), or a dire insult, sometimes these were equivalent. Nowadays, it is generally just a really strong insult. Very demeaning.

If a girl slaps a guy, that is even more demeaning, especially when done in a playful way. If done seriously, it has a different meaning.

So why am I telling you to slap him if it is demeaning? You thought you were supposed to respectfully tell him to back off?

It is because you aren’t. You don’t respect him that much. It is dangerous to you and to him if you don’t slap him. It makes him back off (I will talk about what you do later if he doesn’t), and it gives him an opportunity to learn a lesson. It puts his actions in a new light, and he just might see that he was doing something very serious rather than fun. This is especially true of the nervous guy: this may be one of his last chances at liberty from perversion.

I can say this because I have been on both sides: I have been a pervert, and I have been a righteous young man. And I know what it is like to be in that pit. I wish I had been slapped by a girl.

Now, as I said, I would not be a bit surprised if you have no idea how to slap a guy.


I will show you how.

The next step is just as crucial, and in fact, more so. You need to be protected from further advances by this young man. Stage Three (when a guy persists after you have slapped him) is not in your hands, it is the part of the men around you to take care of it. You don’t turn to your peers to protect you though: you turn to your mentors, and they either take care of it themselves, or they ask others to as well. If they don’t, keep finding and asking mentors until they do!

So what are the guys supposed to do? (Perk up your ears guys!)

Punch him.

I am dead serious.

If a guy persists after you have slapped him, at that time, or any time thereafter, he needs to be taken down. In the old days he could have been killed, but we won’t go there (if you are curious, read some good Westerns).

That is why, as a girl, you need to always be in the company of more than one trusted young man willing to stand up for you, or none at all (meaning you are with a mentor or two and some other girls).

That is why, as a young man, you need to stand up for young women who want to be stood up for (and even the ones who don’t want it, they just might learn too).

If you aren’t sure about how to take care of a guy that way, guys, let me know. I would be happy to demonstrate. 😀


Free, Very Important Lesson from Gracie University!


As many of you probably have noticed, I, my brother Patrick, and my father are all learning Gracie Jiu-Jitsu. We are learning it because it is the most effective and efficient martial arts system in the world. It is also geared for a mindset that is congruent with the principles that a Christian should be using in a real fight. It has been proven effective, and it is the one that you can receive the most benefit from for the amount of time and effort invested in mastering it. (It also has a very ancient and fascinating history, ask me about it if you are curious. Here’s a hint: Beowulf used a form of it.)

We have been learning it from the instructional videos for over a year now, but we were absolutely ecstatic when they came out with Gracie University: the website that teaches you Gracie Jiu-Jitsu better than private classes! It is amazing. but what is even more amazing is that you can view the first lesson absolutely free! The Trap & Roll Escape is the most important technique in the Gracie Arsenal for someone who knows only one: it can save your life. So they have provided it to the world for free, secure in the knowledge that when you see their incomparable teaching skills, you will continue to learn (which is actually very cheap).

Read this quote from the Gracie Insider (sign up here) to find out how to avail yourself of this offer:

The technique covered in lesson number one of the Gracie Combatives® system is called the Trap and Roll Escape. It’s the first technique we teach all our students, online, on DVD or in person here at the Gracie Academy for one simple reason – this technique alone can save the student’s life, and as a result, we don’t want them to live another day without it.

In order to ensure that you, your friends, and your family don’t go one more day without learning this life saving technique, we’ve decided to make the first lesson of the Gracie Combatives system available to the world – absolutely free. For instant access to this life saving technique, simply follow these steps:

Step 1: Go to and scroll down to “Free Lessons” on the home page, and click on Gracie Combatives Lesson 1.

Step 2: You will be asked to log in to your Gracie University student profile, and if you’re a new member, you will be asked to create a profile (it’s free and takes about 60 seconds).

Step 3: Watch Lesson 1, and learn all 3 variations of the Trap and Roll Escape!

Once you’ve learned the Trap and Roll Escape, and you’ve experienced the detailed yet easy-to-follow instruction that makes Gracie Combatives so powerful, we invite you to try the complete system. Depending on your preferred method of learning, you can add the remaining 35 lessons to your Gracie University lesson library for unlimited online viewing (simply visit the ‘Curriculum’ section), or you can purchase the complete Gracie Combatives DVD collection (please note that the online lessons and the DVD lessons are exactly the same). The best part is, as you climb through the curriculum on DVD or online, if you have a question regarding any of the techniques, you can post it in the Gracie University Technique Forum, and we’ll help you find an answer.

I hope that I will see you in the University!

With joy and peace in Christ,
Jay Lauser aka Sir Emeth Mimetes

Gracie Jiu-Jitsu University


I have been learning Gracie Jiu-Jitsu via Rorion’s instructional videos for almost a year now. We completely agree with the methods and techniques of pure Gracie Jiu-Jitsu. One of my dreams is to advance to purple or even brown belt (black belt is really hard, and takes too much time from my life right now). Imagine my excitement when the Gracie family released the Gracie University website, which can train you all the way up to four stripe brown belt entirely online! Gracie Jiu-Jitsu being the best martial art out there, I wanted to share this great opportunity with you.

Movie introducing the Gracie University on the Gracie Academy website.

Have fun!

With joy and peace in Christ,

Jay Lauser