Women’s Rules for Men


I just received these from an informant, and I decided to risk bodily harm by disseminating them to the public in hopes that men will be brought to liberty through my sacrifice. (Translation: I got this from my pastor, who found it on the internet, and I thought it was funny.)

Women’s Rules for Men

  1. The female always makes The Rules.
  2. The Rules are subject to change without prior notification.
  3. No male can possibly know all The Rules.
  4. If the female suspects the male knows all The Rules, she must immediately change some or all of The Rules.
  5. The female is never wrong.
  6. If the female is wrong, it is due to a misunderstanding which was the direct result of something the male did or said wrong.
  7. If Rule 6 applies, the male must apologize immediately for causing the misunderstanding.
  8. The female may change her mind at any time.
  9. The male must never change his mind without the expressed written consent of the female.
  10. The female has every right to be angry and upset at any time.
  11. The male must remain calm at all times, unless the female wants him to be angry or upset.
  12. The female must under no circumstances let the male know whether or not she wants him to be angry or upset.
  13. The male is expected to mind read at all times.
  14. The male who does not abide by The Rules cannot take the heat, lacks backbone, and is a wimp.
  15. Any attempt to document The Rules could result in bodily harm.
  16. If the female has PMS, all The Rules are null and void.
  17. The female is ready when she is ready.
  18. The male must be ready at all times.

I hope y’all enjoy those…

With joy and peace in Christ,

Jay Lauser


5 Responses

  1. definitely sounds like my house

  2. Forgive me Jay, but I didn’t find that at all funny. I certainly hope that you are not implying by posting this that it is true. Though some women may consciously or subconsciously make these rules for their husbands I hope that I as a Christian wife would never do so for mine. I hope to be able to verbally communicate with my future spouse and not make him read my mind. Thank you for listening, I am sure you understand as you did say yourself that by posting this you were, “risking bodily harm.”

    • Tabitha,

      Thank you for voicing your concerns. I apologize if I at all offended you. I do not in any way wish to infer that that is always true, or that it ought to be true.

      Unfortunately, many many wives (and husbands) do indeed subconsciously hold their spouses to these sorts of rules. This is because of how they let their emotions and worldly conditioning control how they perceive things. Perhaps by reading this satire, they may see the illogicality of their reasoning, but probably not. More likely those people who desire to avoid these sorts of subconscious ‘rules’ will be helped by them to see wherein lies the danger. Men as well as women sometimes have these sorts of ‘rules’ since they are simply manifestations of a selfish, emotion-driven attitude. It definitely reminded me how to not treat my siblings!

      I assure you that I am not hurt by your clear and unabashed clarification. I am glad that there are many girls and women out there who decry the sort of mindset manifested in these ‘rules.’

      With joy and peace in Christ,
      Jay Lauser

  3. Definitely funny, unfortunately all to true in too many households…

    • Thank you for your comment. 🙂 I was thinking about this, and realized that the truth of the matter lies in universal difficulties with communication. The problem is that men and women communicate differently, and if we neglect to seek to understand, then these sorts of problems arise. Just another thought. 🙂

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